Global Warming

Global warming has been in the news a lot recently and its cause has been debated ad nauseum by multiple “experts,” all claiming that their positions are supported by SCIENCE! Well they aren’t. Global warming is caused by wolves. Specifically, timber wolves. As a society timber wolves have pooled their resources and built a giant laser that they shoot the sky with. I know... I know... it’s hard to believe but I’ve seen the thing at work I know what it can do. The problem is that most people, and by people I mean humans, just can’t believe that anything without an opposable thumb could actually do anything worthwhile, all the time forgetting that it was dolphins that built the Parthenon and first landed on the moon… and dolphins as everybody is aware have no hands at all! So… what can we do to combat global warming? There are a few possible solutions.

We could build a giant mirror and surround the planet with it.

This is a tempting idea but not very practical. Not only would the hardened surface shut off our air supply and block us from the life giving rays of the sun it would also be a planetary wide eternal hallway optical illusion and that would blow the minds of everybody on the planet.

We could move.

Once again not very practical… we have so much stuff trying to move it all would be a pain.

We could call for the systematic extermination of timber wolves.

That’s probably the best plan.

When it comes to global warming, by all means, continue to recycle and the like. Even if it’s having no direct effect on the environment it still a nice thing to do. But the only true solution is the total eradication of the timber wolves. Total.